So last week I posted about being depressed...and it turned into a breakdown. A horrible one. I cried on Saturday night pretty bad and I've been feeling sad, without really knowing why. Then yesterday and last night were really bad. I was feeling sad after I messed something up in the morning and I felt really bad about it. Pretty much felt like an asshole. Then I had more bad conversations and thoughts, ending the night really not well. I couldn't write any Facebook statuses that were on my mind because I felt like I wasn't saying anything right. I tried reading something but re-read the same line 5 times and couldn't comprehend it. I was told I needed sleep, but I felt like I wouldn't be able to if I tried.
Then I cried so hard I started coughing and banged my fist on my desk 3 times, really hard. At first I thought I broke something it hurt so bad. When I woke up my hand hurt, and it still does. But it's not swollen, so I figure everything is fine...I can move everything. I wanted to scream I was hurting so bad emotionally. Cutting vaguely occurred to me, but I didn't because I know people would have been even more upset with me. I wanted to throw my phone and destroy something. The urge was so powerful I couldn't touch my phone. It took a little bit, but I calmed down enough to send a message I wanted to send and try to sleep. It took me an hour to fall asleep.
This morning I woke up and forced myself to have a better day. Talking with someone helped with that and I feel a lot better. I don't think I'm up to 100% yet, but thankfully the breakdown is behind me and there's no where to go from here but up.
Just thought I should share why I haven't been around...I feel like nothing I say would bear any significance to anyone..that no one really cares.