So why don't I feel good about it?
Most people here know my history. I was molested when I was little. I've never said anything vocally about it, really. A few close family members know, and pretty much none of my IRL friends. A couple of them know. I've never talked about it in detail.
For cultural anthropology, we all had to give a 10 minute presentation on a social case study. Today, one of my classmates did a presentation on rape in the military. I think we all know how big of a problem this is. It happens frequently, and it's not taken seriously when it's reported. The victims are told that they are lying, and then they are treated horribly by everyone in their unit for reporting it.
Obviously, this bothered me. I am not impartial to this problem. I got more and more agitated. Finally, I raised my hand, and said something like this: "When someone is raped, it takes something away from them. Something you can barely describe with words. That's awful enough, and then to be treated this way, told they're liars, I can't even imagine." I can't remember exactly what I said, but it was something like that. Then I said, "I don't even know what I would do if no one believed me."
That...sentence was very powerful for me to say. It didn't say much in and of itself, but it infers an awful lot, especially if you were watching my facial expressions and body language. I just felt like, these people don't have a voice, it's not heard. They're screaming, and no one is listening. I can say something, I have to, for them.
With that one sentence, I told people face to face...that I am a victim of sexual assault. Kind of a big deal in my world. "Speak the truth even if your voice shakes." That's hard, oh so hard.
I don't want to be alone right now. I wish someone was here to cuddle with me, and tell me that everything is going to be okay, that I did a good thing...but my internet friends can't cuddle with me. I felt anxiety when I woke up from my nap. It was a bad attack, and I've been crying because I feel so alone. What can people say? I just wish someone was here to hold me.